A Life Well Loved

MY DAD

02.27.29 - 04.18.15

A Life Well Loved

 

This Memorial Day weekend we celebrated Dad's 86-year long life with a interment service at Tahoma National Cemetery on Friday, and a celebration of his life at his church on Saturday.  It was healing to remember the impact his life had on me, and so many others. 

 

My friends, Kelli & Gerald, visited his final resting place today, 

and sent me this picture.

FEAR

I want to keep promises, including the promises I make to myself.  

This was one promise I made. . . to begin blogging again this month.

In the words of Henri Nouwen in his book Here and Now, I want 

"to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.  I must resist the temptation to let the forces of darkness pull me into despair and make me one more of their many victims."

Today,

I showed up,

and put fear on a diet. 

Fully Alive!

The glory of God is man fully alive! (St. Irenaeus of Lyons)  Fully alive!  That's how I felt riding my bike in the middle of the afternoon today. It was a twenty minute ride to my massage therapist on country roads.  Then,  another ten minutes to pedal up to the Lakeland Hills Town Center to make a bank deposit, and right across from the bank I indulged in a light lunch from Starbucks - - - crackers, cheese, apple slices, and craisins & nuts.  It felt decadent to bask in the sun during this in-between season of autumn . . . not the heat of summer nor the barrenness of winter.  And, a sunny day without rain is always something to celebrate where I live.  If not now, then when?!

TODAY DAD WAS . . .

FRIGHTENED  There is a rat in my pocket!  I can't get it out.

HELPFUL  I can load the dishwasher!

CONFUSED   We need to hurry so we can get to church! I don't want to be late.  (Uh, Dad, church was two days ago)

PROUD  I fell down yesterday.  Look . . . and he pulls up his pant leg to show me his skinned knee.

UNSURE  How do I make it flush? 

TENDER  Will you give me a kiss?

SCARED  I didn't know where my mother was.  I thought she forgot to pick me up  . . .  when I met him at the shuttle after he spent an afternoon at Memory Day Care.

KIND  Now, it's my turn to push you!  ... after a block of me pushing him in his wheelchair around his neighborhood.



Even though it's a bittersweet season, I am grateful to spend moments with him.  


What whispers in the moment, shouts in the memory!    (Thanks, Dale, for reminding me of this at Gold  last week!  www.soulation.org )

Random

Today was full of randomness. But, that's true of most of the times I spend with dad.


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Mom had cataract surgery this morning.  Cataract surgery is for old people.  Mom doesn't seem old.  She's almost 79.  If I didn't know HER, I'd think that was old.  She was nervous.  She doesn't like the idea of ANYONE, even a surgeon, touching her eye.  I prayed for her before she got out of the car at the clinic that she would feel His peace that passes all understanding.  Her eyes filled with tears.  I get that it's hard to trust - - - to be vulnerable and dependent.


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Later that afternoon while Dad is hanging out at my house he is noticeably distraught.  "Where is the baby?"  he asks.  "What baby?" I respond.  "YOUR baby!", he insists.  I know I'm supposed to enter his world, and 'fess up to the baby.  But, I just can't go along with this.   "Dad, I have two teenage sons. I don't have a baby."  He's not convinced.  


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 "Where would you sleep if I slept in your bed?" Dad asked 16 y.o. G at supper tonight. 
"Grandpa, you're not sleeping in my bed.  You're sleeping at your house in your bed.
 "But WHAT IF I slept in your bed?"  Pause.  "Grandpa, if you were a rhinoceros where would you eat?"  Laughter all around.  "In the garden," he said.

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"How old am I?" asked Dad.  "How old do you feel?" I replied.  "Well, I'm not feeling my best today, so I'd say about 25."  Mom and I cracked up.  Dad smiled.  "Am I 83 he said?"


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"Honey, you can't get out of bed tonight," Mom says to Dad.  (He gets up almost EVERY night, but after her surgery she's not supposed to do any heavy lifting for the next couple of weeks.)    But really, TELLING  him not to do something he can't remember not to  do, is like  . . . crazy? Hopeful?  Desperate?  G was willing to sleep over there tonight to help fill the gap.  She graciously declined.  I ask Jesus for extra angels for my parents - - - especially tonight.


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AND, there is still joy - - - G's patient, loving care for his Grandpa.  ----- Savoring the first blueberries from our bushes.  -----Watching the sun melt below the horizon as I drove back from my parents. ----- Delighting in the frog that croaked at me as it hopped away toward the pond. -----The love in my husband's voice as he called me on his way home tonight. 


I trust you Jesus.

Another Wednesday

Another Wednesday afternoon with Dad! Spending time with him is a gift.  And, I'm realizing how time with him really grounds me in the present.  He's quirky and cracks jokes and is eager to help.  I feel light-hearted.  We have a general direction, but not a set schedule, and I think that makes all the difference.  One of our errands today was a little grocery shopping at Safeway.  He's a very agile driver of the chair on wheels.  He lets me lead the parade, and even take his picture. (He came up with this pose all on his own! )  Of course, Sundowner's catches up with him in the late afternoon.  His hallucinations increase and he chats up the invisible people on the couch and points out the Indians in our backyard.  He stays for dinner and we are joined by The Voice (my husband who has such a resonant and deep bass) and our teenage sons.  I ask Dad to bless the food.   He chats with God so conversationally - - - just like he always has throughout my lifetime.  I want my sons to remember grandpa praying - - - a bit of joy in between all the other craziness that makes up his life these days.

Sorry!

Dad and I ended our afternoon together playing Sorry.  It's relaxing for him. It's relaxing for me.  It's a game he's always eager to play, and it's a game he is good at.  He won (again!) today.  I think he likes all the numbers and counting spaces.  I'm surprised that he remembers so many of the little rules for certain numbers  - - - like you can only leave "start" with a 1 or a 2.  A 10 means you move forward 10 or backward 1.  Things like that.  It's the same game board my brother and I played on in the 1970's . . . mostly with Grandma Bo.  I don't EVER remember playing it with my dad.  He was more of a Monopoly guy.  It was nice to end our day together like this - - - more as equals, than me directing him on what to do next, or telling him that, I can't see  anyone sitting on the couch. Joy came at the end of the day today!